Thursday, May 31, 2007


Tenancy

That summer, we worried about bats.
Word was they took up residence in the attic,
sleeping days and crawling out at dusk
to streak across the sky, making small kills:
moths, spiders, creatures no less liable
to urge a certain kind of mind to hysteria.
One phobia flying to consume another.

Nights became tense, eyeing with suspicion
the slats of the square door above the hallway.
Their miniature bones were pliable, I read,
allowing passage through the smallest chink.

Concern was gorged with facts. I digested
sleeping patterns, species, gross anatomy,
any concrete knowledge that might appease
the brimming emptiness of what was possible.

Our thoughts turned to disease; an infected one
could bite an exposed ankle while we slept,
its fangs so delicate, like pins or splinters,
the rabid twinge would likely go unnoticed.

Some days I was sure I had it, staying in
to brood on my demise while the sun blazed,
vampire-like. Every ache was an ill omen,
every scratch in the throat a death sentence.

One night, alone in bed, I could have sworn
I woke to sudden wing bursts, little explosions
of air and muscle passing near the ceiling.

Slipping from the sheets, I put my head
into what seemed a lion’s maw, our closet.
I agitated shirts, my senses straining
toward something closer to what is natural
for the thing I hunted, and found nothing.

It was later, after our fears had gone cold,
that it happened. The initial shock was mutual,
one had tucked itself into the interstice
between the screen and windowsill. The noise
was like the cry of a feral child, alarming
helplessness. We watched it struggle upward,
cling with hooks behind the glass and fold
into a rabbit’s foot, dark-furred, suspended
from the lip of the window, a dormant charm.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Maude said...

This is a great piece, in my book. Great first line. In fact, here's what I loved: "small kills", "urge a mind to hysteria" (but I'd have left out "a certain kind of"), and maybe my favorite line, "One phobia flying to consume another" (Damn. That's good stuff!), "the smallest chink" (loved the word choice there), "Concern was gorged with facts..", "..digested sleeping patterns.."

But I hope you won't mind if I also tell you a few things that didn't work so well for me.

In the fifth stanza, to me, you kinda lost it. I was disenchanted with the cliches from there. (The "sun blazed", "every scratch.. a death sentence"). Not that all cliche is bad of course, but this piece simply deserves better. It's so good. I hate to see you get lazy with it.

I wondered also, if in the sixth, if you had said, "I woke to a sudden burst of wings" if that wouldn't have flowed better than "I woke to sudden wing bursts". And although what followed was fabulous, (little explosions of air and muscle), you gave that line such boring action, (passing near the ceiling). Just "passing"? Do you mean to tell me all those tiny explosions of air and muscle.. they just "passed"? That disappoints me. Sorry.

Then the "slipping from the sheets" stanza.. I can't figure out why right now, but I found myself almost skipping over that part, just trying to get through it. I found that to be the case on all three reads.. so something musta bugged me there. Maybe it was too vague. I dunno.

But I loved the reality of how you went on with it. How your fears "went cold". That's so freaking true that our fears do that. And people don't usually talk about that part of fear. HOW it subsides. The WAY it subsides. I like that. Gave it some good reality based detail that I, the reader, was able to not only recognize, but relate do.. and of course, that draws me in further.

All in all. This was good and I enjoyed it. A lot.

Just sayin'. :)

11:33 PM  

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